Message from a Working Mom

I met somebody today who looked down her long nose at me and said “I’d rather die than leave my child with a maid all day”. I wish I had hit back at her with a smart retort but as usual my wit deserted me at the crucial moment and I was left staring at her rude back. I bristled all the way home, muttering rude expletives that would make my grandmother turn in her grave. But the moment I saw my child and my home, all my anger left me – leaving me with a quiet sense of peace.

Here’s what I saw today when I got home: a beautiful, happy, warm child who came running into my arms the moment I stepped in. She wasn’t crying that her mom had left her with a nanny all day. She was in fact bringing out cards (little wisps of paper with colourful scribbles on them) that she had made for mommy. She asked me to close my eyes. She held my hand and pulled me excitedly to her room which was full of little drawings & paintings that she had made all day. After a lot of exclaiming and hugging she sat in my lap telling me which books she wanted me to read. And yes, I was tired from a long day at work and yes all I wanted to do was escape into the bath and get a few quiet moments. But thats the beauty of being a working mom- when you are with your child, you are WITH your child. So we sat together, reading books for over an hour. We did homework together. We played while she bathed – the soaking she gave me was more relaxing than any bubble bath soak I’ve ever had. I changed her clothes, fed her dinner and after a lot of cuddling and kissing put her to bed.

I came home to a clean & happy house. I came in feeling guilty that I was away from my child the entire day. But what was prodding at me all day was obviously not bothering my little one. Just as I grew up accepting “daddy goes to work & mommy takes care of home”, she is growing up accepting “Mommy & daddy go to office & I go to school”. Not all lessons can be taught in theory. My daughter sees me working and she knows that when she grows up she is going to be independent and successful. That she owes it to herself to pursue her dreams. That she can only teach her children the lessons of contentment when she herself is content. That work life balance IS possible. That different things take priorities at different times in life and that it doesn’t make the other things less important.

When my mom was teaching me life lessons she taught me the value of respect. She always emphasised that if I didn’t respect others they wouldn’t respect me back. To those many life lessons that I was taught, I’ve added one more for my daughter – “Respect others. But don’t ever lose your own self-respect and/or self worth. Nothing in the world can make up for that. If you lose that you have nothing left.”

This is what I wish to say to the stay-at-home mom who insulted me – “We working mothers work hard to balance our lives -Our careers, families and homes. It seems that we leave our children unattended the whole day but we call several times a day to check that they are ok. We are not at home but we know exactly what our children are doing at each moment of the day. When our mobile flashes “Home calling” our heartbeats stop. We live with constant fear that an accident might happen & we won’t be there with the child. It is not easy to live with such fear and guilt. It is a question of choice. Of defining our self worth by our own measure. My self-worth comes from working, yours comes from being a home maker. Doesn’t make me better than you or you better than me. I respect you for what you do – it cant be easy. In return all I ask is you give me my space”.

- A Working Mom

Advertisement